Disclaimer. Of course we do not recommend that you try any of these in your home, work or any other place at all, regardless of the experience and wisdom you think you have, or who you know at the hospital to patch you up. This is a fun article and that is all. Any damage, harm, injury, death and other goodies that you are dumb enough to do on your own time is not our responsibility, nor will we be footing the bill for any of it. Also, the opinions of this article in no way reflect GotFrag DPAD, its parent company Major League Gaming, any staff or any of our sponsors, contributors or well-wishers. Again, enjoy the read, but do not perform any of these things, capiche?

The Xbox 360 had one of the strongest years in console gaming, second only to the Nintendo Wii, the charming console for the whole family. But amidst all the success and the record-breaking sales, an ugly demon reared its head as well, the ‘Red Ring of Death.’ The Ring of Light on the front of the Xbox usually greets us with its swirling green lights accompanied by the faint hum of the Xbox whirring to life. Sometimes, it doesn’t. Should you have ever tried to boot the console up with the A/V cables loose or the power brick or AC adapters loose, you’ve seen the 4 red lights and you've felt your heart splash as it hit the bottom of your stomach, but upon further inspection, you’re still good to go. But what about the countless number of consoles that were one red light short, the 3 red flashing lights that testify to the utter death of your Xbox 360?

You’ve been through it all. The repair process, the coffins (the clever name for the white cardboard shipping boxes Microsoft sends to retrieve the broken consoles), the month long waits; you’re a professional by now. The Indian tech support helpers that you have to call every time it dies know your name by heart and you know their adopted American names aren’t real but you call them by them anyway. But now, you’ve had enough.

In this article, there will be no fix for the RRoD woes. There isn’t a trick to get it back up and running or a way to haggle for extra Xbox Live subscription cards. This article shows you how to kill your Xbox like a pro.

1. Up A Creek Without A Paddle. Or Parachute.

This is the technique you’ll see for most of the publicized technological destruction. Step 1: find somewhere high up. Step 2: bring Xbox (or any other piece of technology for that matter). Step 3: drop from high place to low place.

Everyone knows it’s a glorious spectacle to watch something fall effortlessly from some height (that shouldn't). It’s like watching something break the law and immediately it’s punished by its impact with the earth below. It’s gratifying really; we’re showing that the system works. We’re not the only object constrained b gravity. Not to mention, the resulting explosion -minus Michael Bay fire and ridiculousness- of shattering motherboards, processor, heatsink (if you see one of these, you probably didn’t need to kill it anyway), and other miscellany is one of the most uplifting events ever to behold.

That's not Rudolf envading your 360, you just pooped a brick.

You may repeat this process as often as desired.

Remember, safety first. Bring those goggles.

2. A Different Kind of Hard Drive

For all you aquatic types out there that love nothing more than being on the beach and hitting the waves, this one isn’t for you. But in case you still want to ski, you might be in luck. This is another one that is pretty easy on the materials. All you need is a vehicle of some sort, some rope, and our beloved Xbox. What we want to do here is tie up our Xbox nice and tight, don’t want it slipping anywhere, and tie the other end of the rope to a bumper or hitch of the vehicle of your choice. Should you be automobile challenged, it’s okay. A bike will work for this, but some of the glory of destruction will be diminished.

Next, with rope attached to the Xbox and the car, hit the gas. Since it seems Microsoft forgot to stress test the console before shipping (thus all the RRoD’s), we’re just picking up where they left off in development.

Dragging the Xbox behind the car will make a loud and obnoxious grinding sound followed by the usual cacophony of clattering and skipping. Don’t worry, that’s normal. The Xbox is a loud machine anyway, this shouldn’t be anything new to you. It’s just getting warmed up. After you’ve managed to wear a good soft spot into the outer casing of the Xbox -or managed to not get pulled over- then you’re sure to see some green showing. Again, this is normal. Contrary to what you may think, this is the ring of light booting up warmly; it’s the motherboard piercing through the shell and screaming at you in agony.

By now you’re sure to have lost some parts to the console and it’s left in a heap of ruined parts and scraped, ground up, and otherwise shattered dreams and dashed hopes. The console was pretty big anyway and the white definitely needed a makeover. We did Microsoft a favor.