The Wii has been hailed as the first console to take the next step into truly interactive gameplay. No longer are gamers restricted to the couch as in the days of earlier generation consoles with only their thumbs getting a workout. They can now pivot and swing while playing golf in Wii Sports or parry and thrust as they try their hand at virtual swordplay in Red Steel. The controls cause the gamer to be involved in the game so much that Nintendo is now considering promotion of the Wii's 'health benefits'. But, assuming the assertations of modern medicine are worth anything, will Nintendo's newest game machine prove to have greater 'risks' than its predecessors as well?

The Western Journal of Medicine was an independent, peer-reviewed, clinical publication that ceased publication in 2002. An article had been published back in the days of SNES expounding on the health risks of 'playing 'Nintendo':

"Nintendo Elbow"

TO THE EDITOR: Complications of Nintendo range from the socially unacceptable (enuresis) to the more socially unacceptable (encopresis) to the distressing (seizures), along with various musculoskeletal syndromes. We report a more benign variant, Nintendo elbow. The patient, a 12-year old boy, reported right elbow pain for several days. His father stated that the discomfort had been present for at least a month. The boy's only physical activity during this time was playing Nintendo 'a lot'. The child was otherwise healthy, taking no medications, and had no allergies. Examination revealed tenderness with slight swelling proximal to the olecranon. The patient reported increased pain with flexion and extension against resistance. Treatment consisted of the administration of ibuprofen and discontinuation of the precipitating trauma. On follow-up nine days later, the syndrome had resolved. Long-term recommendations included support of the elbow on a firm surface during Nintendo playing and the use of nonsteroidal medication as needed."

Now for those of you not fluent in medical jargon, please allow me to explain a few things from this excerpt. "Enuresis" is the fancy way to say "bedwetting" or just plain involuntary urination. Was the excitement of the SNES so great that it caused gamers to wet themselves with excitement or were the joys of Super Mario World more detrimental than we thought? "Encopresis" is involuntary defecation. Unlike the good doctors who contributed to the above article, I personally find this more distressing than the seizure bit. Some twitching and eye-rolling because of overstimulating colors and light is what I'd expect before Player 2 taking a load off in his Dickies right next to me.

Now, 'Nintendo elbow' is just funny. Honestly, I can see that happening. It may have happened to me once, I think... I've had enough 36-hour gaming bonanzas in my time for it to set in, but going blind from seeing the light of day after finally leaving my room typically overshadowed any of my other afflictions so I can't be sure. This other stuff, these "socially unacceptable" and "more socially unacceptable" complications, I just don't buy. As a nearly lifelong gamer who has known other gamers that have been rocking the buttons since I was in diapers, I think I can safely assert that Nintendo isn't leading to the deterioration of the health of our youth. I mean, I could be wrong. The Japanese are really clever, maybe the whole thing is a covert attack; but somehow I doubt it, we buy too many of their exports. Videogames can bring people together, as corny as that sounds. They promote the development of hand-eye coordination and the graphics are visually dazzling. They keep kids off the streets and can be profoundly educational or inspiring. Since their inception, videogames have only proved more beneficial than harmful to the people who play them. And the people who play are in such great number that if the assertations of the article were correct there would have been ridiculous waves of bedwetting epidemics sure to put Nintendo out of business years ago.

The fabled SNES is a fourth generation console and assuming the related studies have any truth to them, what terrible devastation will the Wii bring upon the masses? With its motion-sensing controls, the soon-to-be massive VC game collection, and gorgeous advanced graphics, surely the fall of society is nigh! Or maybe, a whole new golden age of gaming will be ushered in where the pleasures of captivating gameplay are accessible to people of all ages, gender, and background. Really, it's a toss up between the two. And please note that the author is skeptical of the first scenario. Though, perhaps one day I'll sell the idea to an independent movie director and the satirical masterpiece will win awards at Cannes and I'll get my own Wikipedia entry. In the meantime, let's all be reminded to keep at least a yard distance from the telly, watch where we're whipping those Wiimotes, and take it easy on the backswing.